sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
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She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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