and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
