Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
