i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
