Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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