He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her