I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
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I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
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Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.