So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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