If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES