he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
