Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
