I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
