i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she told me i tasted like america
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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