i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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