Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
