she woke up with a sticky ear
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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