just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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