If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
