I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
