A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize