I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
