those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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