sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
