I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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