if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
