Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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