before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
