I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
