I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
being pregnant is like rehab
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
