3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
