At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
