How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I am one with the molecules
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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