He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
