I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
