If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think my vagina is haunted
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
