Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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