party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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