She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
