There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
