This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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