I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
