worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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