You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
