Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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