Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
