It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
