So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
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while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
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When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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