I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
