you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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