I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
