i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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