dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
