I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
