Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
