I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
