If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
