What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
