Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
