we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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